im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
