do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
