FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
