In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
