he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Can Purell be used as lube?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
