I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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