You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
