guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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