i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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