HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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