you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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