I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
