Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(763): View more from Minnesota

Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.

Fav 4 1821 744
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(705): View more from Ontario

I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.

Fav 48 2670 4963
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it

Fav 6 4901 1146
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(773): View more from Illinois

apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.

Fav 18 6092 1869
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(845): View more from New York

Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.

Fav 7 3310 1576
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.

Fav 6 1136 570
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(505): View more from New Mexico

She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.

(1-506): View more from New Brunswick

Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.

Fav 7 2455 709
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(212): View more from New York

be right there i have to get my cape

Fav 2 1058 504
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(470): View more from Georgia

I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man

Fav 0 42 17
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