wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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