I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
