She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
