So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
