new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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