if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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