You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
