ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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