Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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