she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
