You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
