Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
