I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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