2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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