watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
