I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
