Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
