new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
we should paint friendship bongs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
