I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
