Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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