I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
