loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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