I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
