Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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