Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
