i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
