well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
