No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
