One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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