I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
