oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When are your genitals available?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
