are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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