It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
