new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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