Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
