Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
