Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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