i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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