just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm like, not good at living.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
