Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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