the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
