So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
