My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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