I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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