sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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