walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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