u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
