and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
