I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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