Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize