So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
