if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
