grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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