would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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