Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
