seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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