Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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