soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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