And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
