just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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