Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
