Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
