I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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