My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
